High Speed 2, the UK’s flagship infrastructure project and beacon of cost management, budget control and programme delivery, has announced a major new initiative for construction of the new high-speed line.
In this major new initiative for construction of the new high-speed line, worn-out wind turbine blades are to be recycled for use as reinforcement. Mr Nim Byappeaser, a person identifying as a spokesperson for the project said:
“Our major new initiative for construction of the new high-speed line will repurpose these worn-out items and put them to good use, as a replacement for reinforcing bar, for blowing smoke up the backsides of politicians, and for for quickly dispersing reports and flip charts out the window when the National Audit Office turns up to ask how it’s all going.”
After consulting with colleagues on a quick Safety Brief, Risk Assessment and the company’s pioneering Making Sure No-one Ever Gets Upset About Anything Like Whatsoever Engagement Strategy, the spokesperson continued:
” Our major new initiative for construction of the new high-speed line doesn’t stop there – we’ve identified a range of other materials that we can recycle to shore up the project, including press statements that can be reused indefinitely, such as:
- HS2 will be great for freight trains as they can use any other railway except ours
- HS2 will free up capacity on any other railway for freight trains
- Freight trains are really good and use any other railway
- Freight trains keep freight off the roads and off HS2
- We really can deliver Phase 1a for £56 billion by 2026
- To fully realise the benefits of Phase 1a would only cost another £50bn and an extra 5 years or so