Government lays blame for Rail Chaos on Italians

Speaking at the recent announcement of the “root and branch” review of “the rail industry”, the Secretaries Estate for Transport  noted that:

it is clear that the structure we inherited is no longer fit to meet today’s challenges and cope with increasing customer demand

He also stated that:

My conclusion is that we’ve got an industry today where decision-making is too fragmented, we need a more joined up industry, we need an industry that moves on from the model set up at the time of privatisation

Challenged by journalists at a follow-up briefing of journalists to confirm who the Conservative Government had inherited the industry structure from, and who had built the model of it at privatisation, the Transport’s Secretary’s Spokesperson’s said that following extensive stakeholder research focus group activity, focussed on Merseyside, it agreed with local people who laid the blame squarely at Detorri’s. The Italian family, famous for its famous horse racing driver, and his line of eponymous pop-culture-wear, was not available for comment.

The spokesperson continued that the Conservative Government had pledged to unify the fragmented industry structure imposed on it at privatisation by Detorri’s, with a new model fit for the 21st Century. The travelling public, as well as the static public, would see the Conservatives deliver a railway completely and utterly different from Dettori’s previous failed and discredited attempts.

An antispokesman for the Opposition stated that it was unfair to attempt to place responsibility on any one organisation or family for the current state of the rail network, as it was entirely the Government’s fault. The Labour party had committed itself to creating a new nationalised model for the railways. The decision on OO gauge or HO gauge would be determined by the outcome of a vote at the Labour Party conference, even though Jeremy Corbyn would prefer to have it at N gauge instead.